Women's Sexual Experiences
Individual accounts of sexual intercourse
Before sexual intercourse, during foreplay, which varies in what we do - fellatio or cunnilingus or just petting - from one time to another, I go through a mental relaxation.
My thoughts are on my body, my movements, my skin and my husband's. I concentrate on different things, such as the way our skin feels against each other and I concentrate on this for different areas of our bodies. It's as if I make every nerve in my body come alive and think.
Sometimes talking acts as a stimulus: talking about each other's bodies or what his cock, balls or my breasts or cunt looks like, describing a certain feeling or even bringing up previous sexually satisfying experience.
Usually we are both quite active, moving legs and arms over each other's bodies - even before any genital contact. When genital contact does happen - I am so "psyched" for it that it's followed by a sigh.
Then my thoughts are completely centered on how good
his penis feels against my clitoris. I also love it when he
rubs his glans
against my nipple. If he comes that way, it almost always sends shivers
through my entire cunt, and deep into my belly.
If we are talkative and laughing before intercourse - we usually approach it more actively-using our entire body and body movements.
At the time of genital contact with clitoral stimulation I begin to think about attaining an orgasm. It's as if all my feelings were condensed into one point.
Sometimes I picture my brain and my clitoris and there is an electric connection between the two. Many times I try to picture what we look like and by doing so experience an exciting sensation. Once we used a mirror and I orgasmed so powerfully!
With continued clitoral stimulation (and I am not only aware of my clitoris but his penis - I can concentrate on feeling one or the other). I finally seem to lose myself - or sink until it is no longer only the clitoris that is excited but the entire area.
Occasionally I picture in my mind what my genital area looks like. I finally have an ache deep in my vagina so profound that I have to have the penis inside.
It's as if I have to hold my breath till he completely puts his cock in me and when it becomes completely inserted I relieve the tension with a very loud sigh or cry. It is at this point that my thoughts are of our sexual union - no longer only of myself and my own feelings - I am very aware of my partner's feelings too.
There is usually a brief period of just feeling the penis filling me - a lack of body movement. Soon our bodies move very deliberately and mechanically as he thrusts into me - it is then that my thoughts revert back to my own sensations - and I am working to increase the physical pleasure.
My husband usually attains orgasm and ejaculates first which is followed by a pause, clutching each other, my need to hold him.
However, the pause does not decrease my sensation - I have the mental satisfaction of knowing he is physically satisfied and I completely let go. It is rare that we attain orgasm at the same time, perhaps because I am too conscious of his nearness to it, I can't "let myself go" knowing he is so close. However, once he has reached orgasm in no time I can also come.
As I again completely concentrate on the feelings in my clit and cunt, I reach a certain point when I know orgasm is inevitable and then almost hold it back to draw it out and cause a longer orgasm. I have absolutely no conscious thought of body movements - I am only engrossed in the pleasurable sensation of reaching orgasm during intercourse.
The only images I have ever experienced at this time and during orgasm is a fuzzy blackness with red or white muted bursts coming through it. Orgasm comes with a dizziness, a loss of self - almost as if I didn't exist as a body but I exist as a sensation.
After orgasm my body completely relaxes - goes limp for a few seconds until I am conscious of what has really happened and how much my partner means to me.
After sex we both lie close to each other quietly touching and talking some. We often kiss each other's genitals, his penis covered in my vaginal lubrication as it goes flaccid, and my cunt still hot and swollen from sex, and I feel completely satisfied - almost relieved (as if there was a chance I might not attain orgasm).
I feel very happy and full, close to another human being - amazed at the fact that there is such a pleasurable experience. There need never be any fear of intimacy with sex as good as this.
Attaining orgasm usually takes from 5 to 15 minutes. I usually enjoy some foreplay before sex (penetration) actually starts. I enjoy breast stimulation, I find oral-genital stimulation - especially cunnilingus - extremely satisfying sex.
If I am excited, I experience easy penetration and lots of lubrication. I only reach orgasm during sex through clitoral stimulation.
I sometimes worry because it often takes me as much as 15 minutes of stimulation before I can orgasm. I believe this may be because as I get older, in particular as I enjoy sex after fifty, I'm concerned how long it takes to reach orgasm, for me to come.
I feel bad because, while my husband and I both agree that for me to achieve orgasm is as important as for him, I feel that it must be tedious for him, and I have a hard time completely relaxing because I feel I am being selfish.
During orgasm I have no conscious thoughts, just a very pleasurable feeling of release. After orgasm I usually feel very satisfied, somewhat letdown, usually tired, but very comfortably tired.
I usually like some love-making afterwards such as hugging, kissing, etc. I also like him to penetrate me and hold me as he gently moves his cock inside my swollen vagina.
This will often make me twitch, a sensation that starts in my G spot and moves through my whole body like electricity. I often feel that during orgasm I have sort of left my husband for a few seconds and I like sexual love-making after orgasm to re-establish the secure feeling of oneness.
Physical sensations after orgasm are heartbeat return to normal, breathing returns to normal. Vagina pulsates and throbs very strongly in a steady beat and then gradually stops. The general body feeling is a loss of energy and a general tiredness, but a feeling of satisfied tiredness.
Well, I like to play around a lot before I like being sexual and my husband doesn't. He gets too excited and impatient. If we do play around a lot, he usually can't control his ejaculation and comes very quickly. So, in that respect, I feel unsatisfied. We don't kiss and play for more than 5 minutes before he enters me.
Before he does I usually like to play some more - but he gets his way. But then as soon as he does enter, I immediately feel extremely excited and become very passionate.
It usually takes me quite a while to orgasm, but my husband can almost always make me come so I stay with it. I usually feel a gradual buildup, but it is a very intense feeling sexual excitement.
We usually roll, twist and turn and sometimes quickly get into a different sex position - usually without his penis coming out of my cunt. Then my husband can usually tell what's happening with me by the way I squeeze him or move, sometimes I even tell him. The thing that's usually on my mind is what I can do to make him feel better.
When I do reach orgasm, it's always intense and nothing is running through my mind. Most often, my husband and I orgasm together. We squeeze tightly and finally relax.
He stays in me for a few minutes, and usually by this time I'm still not thinking - just feeling ecstatic. There are usually no difficulties for me in reaching orgasm. Afterward we separate and I feel completely relaxed and satisfied, calm and very womanly. I am usually conscious of not getting the bed messy now and go off to clean up.
In attaining orgasm, some amount of foreplay is involved. It usually begins with kissing each other on the mouth, accompanied by each other fondling one another.
After about 10-15 minutes of foreplay, during which I have been clitorally stimulated and vaginally stimulated with my husband's mouth and fingers, my husband inserts his penis.
Up until this time sex has felt like a gradual mounting of physical tension, so that my whole body tingles, and I am very highly excited. Breast and nipple stimulation makes my whole uterus contract and feel alive, generally making me want him inside me desperately.
I know he wants to penetrate me just as much! Generally, the body sensations while attaining orgasm are, tightening, physical tension, tingling. The thoughts that pass through my mind are fleeting, mostly associated with my physical feeling during sex. There are some difficulties occasionally.
Sometimes I'm worried that I won't reach orgasm or that my husband won't be satisfied. These feelings don't last long and seem to have no effect on achieving orgasm.
Five minutes after orgasm I am usually feeling good-satisfied, happy, tired. There are times when I get depressed after orgasm - some kind of letdown. The depression doesn't last long.
It's fascinating how much of female sexual pleasure is the result of being with a powerful man who is fully in his own mature masculine. Indeed, there's a kind of activation of the feminine sexual energy that comes from being with what we might call an initiated man. The MankindProject is good at male initiaiton.
We usually start out with long French kisses while hugging each other tightly so that our bodies are pressed against each other. This generates a feeling of warmth and security between us.
Then we engage in broad body caressing, which is the starting point of the actual sexual stimulation. My husband fondles my breasts, often sucking on them. This doesn't arouse me greatly but brings on a feeling of satisfaction, as that of a mother breast-feeding a child.
My breasts like this attention, making them become larger with erect nipples. My husband then stimulates my clitoris with his hand, often purposely avoiding the clitoris itself while just caressing the surrounding areas, so that I build up excitement in anticipation of the moment when he will actually touch the clitoris.
When I am nearly ready for orgasm, he inserts his penis in the vagina and begins to thrust gently.
When he finally does insert his penis, it brings on a feeling of satisfaction that you're on the "home stretch," so that you can easily come once his penis in in the vagina. However, once he has entered me and started intercourse, I enter into a stage of anxiety waiting for the actual orgasmic climax. I often see myself climbing a mountain and finding it extremely steep near the top so that reaching the peak is more difficult than the climb thus far.
My husband comes shortly after entering my vagina, stops for a moment in ecstasy, and then carries on humping me until I reach orgasm. Before this point I enter deep concentration on attaining my goal and at the exact moment that orgasm begins, I draw a complete blank of thoughts and just "wallow" in the physical pleasure it derives.
I sometimes have difficulty in attaining orgasm if I don't concentrate hard enough and find that my thoughts wander off sex and what we are doing.
About 5 minutes after orgasm, I feel very peaceful and satisfied. I like to hug my husband tightly and hold him still inside me, symbolic of the feelings I have for our oneness and unity, and just lay in each other's arms, eking out every ounce of satisfaction from the act.
After all the waves of physical feeling and emotion have succumbed, I like to start over, omitting the foreplay and just repeating the actual motion of intercourse.
Analysis of women's experience of sexual intercourse
My vaginal lubrication secretions are low, therefore quite a bit of sexual stimulation is required to lubricate my vagina enough for intercourse. My husband stimulates my clitoris and breasts until I attain orgasm - sometimes I masturbate while he stimulates my breasts. I always have sexual fantasies while doing this - usually about how other men view me sexually.
Afterwards we rest very briefly, during which time I'm very tired, and feel intense affection for my husband. He then inserts his penis into my cunt, which by this time is hot and swollen, waiting for him. He certainly knows how to give a woman an orgasm during intercourse.
There is plentiful lubrication and any tightness is alleviated with his thrusting movements. My excitement mounts as his does, but my mind is more controlled; it's more of an intellectual excitement. I rarely fantasize at this point. I'm more aware of what we are doing as a unit and the sexual gratification I'm giving him.
The physical excitement that I experience at this time depends a lot on pressure - I feel the pressure of the penis and the more pressure the better. This means as I get more excited, the harder he thrusts the more I like it! It only faintly resembles the same sensations as clitoral stimulation.
The walls of my vagina feel practically nothing, the entrance feels more, the clitoris itself feels only a little tugging, a pleasant sensation, but not enough to induce a real climax.
The most emotional sexual experiences occur when my husband enters me from behind - these sexual positions give me a kind of subjugation to him, a helplessness, which excites me - and the pressure is much greater as he goes much deeper - many times I reach an emotional peak - I feel ready to burst - and I end up crying for several minutes and recover after sex.
It's a very happy and cathartic experience. But it's nevertheless a distinctly different experience from the pre-entry clitoral-stimulated orgasm. Afterward, we're both very relaxed and fall asleep almost at once.
Analysis of Descriptions
Each of the women's descriptions of how she achieves orgasm was analyzed in detail and an attempt was made to determine both the common and unique elements among them.
In general, there's a well-known sequence that proceeds from foreplay, through orgasm, to relaxation. First, there was foreplay, during which most of the women were touched and kissed on various body areas (for example, lips, breasts, nipples) and received manual and often oral stimulation of the clitoral region; next the women entered into sexual intercourse; and subsequently they reached climax during intercourse either through the husband's penile penetration or his direct stimulation of some other body area (clitoris, breasts).
Within this general pattern there were, of course, many variations and idiosyncrasies. One woman preferred not to begin the usual foreplay until her feet had been tickled for about ten minutes by her husband.
Another enjoyed the sensation of air blown in her ear as part of the foreplay. Still another found that foreplay was greatly enhanced by having her husband suck on her vagina.
Some women attained orgasm one or more times during foreplay and others required an extended period of foreplay to achieve even the minimal excitement needed to begin intercourse.
During intercourse some used only one sexual position and others changed positions several times before attaining orgasm.
There were women who never reached orgasm but who said they found their general state of sexual arousal satisfying. Interestingly, there were a few who never reached orgasm but who still responded to sexual stimulation with great, almost overwhelming arousal.
Some found that the experience of holding the penis in the vagina was necessary for orgasm, while others considered penile insertion as only detracting from their enjoyment. There were a few who considered it an important part of the arousal process to immerse themselves in elaborate make-believe sexual fantasies.
Individual preferences for stimulation of a specific body part in attaining orgasm were often prominent. Illustratively, one woman found breast sucking by her partner to consistently produce orgasm.
For another woman anal stimulation played such a role. In many cases, great satisfaction - if not orgasm - was obtained from watching the man as he ejaculated during intercourse into his partner's vagina. A large percentage of women stated that they found this very exciting and fulfilling.
We could interpret this as an indication that the women were touched by the power they had to make their men undergo such a powerful sexual experience.
When men suffered from retarded ejaculation, the satisfaction of the female partner from intercourse was almost always reduced considerably, and in some cases the frustration far outweighed the pleasure.
Following orgasm the typical pattern was to feel satisfied and sleepy and to cuddle up to the husband. But there were also many variations. Some women cried for a while after orgasm, stating that they needed an emotional catharsis to match the physical release attained. Others remained unsatisfied and wanted more stimulation and another orgasm.
Several reported a preoccupation with potential loss of bladder control and the need to clean up. There were instances in which women experienced the post-orgasm period as a time to communicate with their husbands and to discuss important problems with them.
Certain kinds of sensations were predominantly mentioned in the accounts of how sexual excitement and sexual arousal builds up during stimulation. Temperature sensations were particularly prominent. The women often referred to an increasing feeling of warmth that was at first localized in the pelvic region and then spread to the abdomen and thighs.
Similar prominence was given to sensations described as "tingle" and "tickle." In about a sixth of the descriptions of the arousal process there were references to extreme arousal assuming some of the qualities of pain, but pleasantly rather than unpleasantly so.
Orgasm itself was frequently described with such terms as "bursting," "exploding," "flooding," "flowing," "release," "pulsate," "melting," "getting relief, "spasmodic contraction, "something breaks."
The build-up of tension reaches such proportion in some of the women that they become concerned about losing control of self and need to "hang on" to something. Experiences related to balance and equilibrium were often mentioned as associated with sexual excitement. Women described themselves as "drunk," "dizzy," "floating," and "lightheaded."
A number of the women indicated that they struggle with unpleasant feelings and tensions during the sexual arousal process. Some worry that they will not attain orgasm at all.
Others are irritated because their husbands are not properly arousing or stimulating them. One woman felt that she did not respond fast enough to her man's controlling erection and desire and was worried this would drive him to seek other sex partners. Another woman worried that she was too sexually responsive and perhaps made unreasonable sexual demands on her husband.
About a fifth of the women articulated explicitly that sexual intercourse and orgasm result in a loss of self. They indicated that at the height of intercourse they had sensations of "merging" with the sex partners ("like our bodies are one").
Several said that they could literally not tell where their bodies ended and those of their partners began.
Sometimes this sense of being merged included a feeling of being unbelievably alone, as if nothing existed outside of what was taking place in the immediate room. There is no question but that in the majority of the women, intense sexual arousal meant a drastic change in the way they usually experience their bodies and also their usual way of regarding self.
There were sharp changes in the state of consciousness, radical shifts in the apparent solidity of the self boundaries, and alterations in the immediate sense of one's relationship with the world "out there." Issues of selfishness during sex are interesting - how much does one lose oneself in one's own experience or that of the partner?
About a fifth of the women directly or indirectly emphasized the importance of intense concentration on oneself as a prerequisite to attaining orgasm. They reported that orgasm could be reached only if all "outside" distractions were banished from awareness and there was a single-minded focus on body arousal as it built up and finally peaked.
The apparent importance that many women ascribe to being able to attend almost exclusively to the sensations occurring in one's own body as a necessary condition for achieving orgasm is interesting. It implies that they best achieve orgasm when they can forget about other persons and give up for a while their usual concerns and interests involving the world "out there."
One woman humorously highlighted this matter when she reported that she could not get very sexually aroused if she was preoccupied with thoughts about "cooking supper."