Men, Orgasm, Ejaculation and Sex
Male Sexuality In General
As men, we set great store by our own virility and dream of being able to maintain a really stiff erection for as long as it takes to bring a woman to orgasm no matter how long she may take. The fact remains, however, that some men are far more active sexually than others; some have a low sex drive, and some have sexual dysfunctions which prevent them gaining sexual pleasure. Broadly speaking, however, there are three main groups of men distinguishable by their sexual libido and activity.
First, a comparatively small group of what we term highly sexed, or highly passionate men; second, an extremely large group of average-sexed men; and a third group, smaller, but not quite so small as the first group, of men who experience sexual desire only infrequently - the low-sexed. The medium-sexed, who, because of the preponderance of their numbers are taken to represent the norm, may be said roughly to experience sexual desire, arousal, and the need to orgasm two or three times a week (or, in their twenties, a weekly average of four to five times).
The low-sexed may experience sexual desire, arousal, and the need for orgasm only once every two weeks or once a month. The highly sexed, on the other hand, have at least a daily urge, often a twice-daily or thrice-daily urge. That there are men who not only have the urge, but who enjoy sex to orgasm two or three times a day, is a fact, and they are not boasting or exaggerating when they make such a claim. The majority of them keep their sexuality under some degree of control, but I suppose most of us have met one or two men who do not attempt to conceal their interest in sex, an interest which appears to be the most important thing in their lives. Male sexual dysfunctions include delayed ejaculation and premature ejaculation as well as erection problems and low sex drive.
I have a suspicion, too, that unless we are one of them, we tend to disapprove of them because of their high sexuality, just as we are apt to pity the man who clearly has a much smaller interest in sex than our own, and whose sexual experience is on a lower level than ours. Unconscious sexual jealousy provokes our disapproval of the highly sexed, but our pity for the low-sexed is related to our tendency to take a man's sexuality as a measure of his manhood.
For much of human history, the vigor of the sun, fire, heat, the sowing of the seed were male; the moon, water, cold were female. Under the influence of the sun's warmth the earth, The Great Womb of Nature, The Great Mother of God, welcomed the seed; and out of this basic conception of the male and female roles emerged the concept that the earth (the female) would be barren and cold without the vitalizing attentions of the sun and the seed. Fitness - whether achieved naturally or by use of a fitness program - is everything - and you can see why in the Adonis Golden Ratio - how gods and goddesses alike were honored for their beauty and muscularity. Truly, those men who can still match Adonis today have power and influence in sexual terms and social terms alike.
Though some ancient religions included in their worship of sex a representation of the vagina, all regarded an image in stone or wood of the phallus - the erect penis - or some symbolic resemblance of it, as the main form in which sex could be most powerfully portrayed visually.
It is from this very ancient assessment of the male's sexual power that we get our own modern view of the male's sexual superiority, and hence the evaluation he sets on his ability to satisfy the female; in other words, his virility or potency, whether he has erectile difficulties or erectile dysfunction and his capacity for sustaining erection. And of course, not forgetting the actual size of his penis, though this concern with the dimensions of the phallus is subconscious in most men.
That we are provoked to envy of the highly sexed derives from our ignorance of the nature of the sexual urge and the varying degrees of sexuality which different people possess. What determines the strength of our sex drive (sex urge, response to sexual tension) is testosterone -but there is also a psychological component.
In my view, the filling of the seminal vesicles sets up sexual tension resulting in automatic erection and the necessity to empty the vesicles in orgasm to obtain relief from the tension.
The fluid stored by the seminal vesicles is produced by glands which we know are stimulated by sexual activity and foreplay; the normal rate at which the glands fill up the seminal vesicles with the fluid that creates the sexual tension resulting in arousal or sexual desire, and the demand for relief in orgasm, is determined by the slow or fast action of testosterone on the glands.
As we look at the response to orgasm in more detail, we shall become more aware of the great range of fluctuation in capacity for erection and the sensations accompanying orgasm each of us is capable of experiencing.
For example, in one lovemaking you may experience a strength of erection which lifts the head of the penis right up until it touches your belly; or the pre-orgasm tensions may be so strong that you cannot delay ejaculating as long as you usually can; or the sensations at orgasm are so weak that you are only just aware that you are experiencing them; or you may find over a period that your weekly average of three to four orgasms falls to one or two, though you suffer no frustration.
All of us, highly sexed, average-sexed, and low-sexed alike, experience these variations within the range of our sex drive. They spring from a number of causes, some physical, some psychological, over which we have no control.
So the three groups differ from one another in their performance and experience of intercourse. The highly sexed, besides requiring frequent experience of ejaculation also a highly intense orgasmic sensation to achieve relief, or have need of multiple orgasm to be completely satisfied.
The highly sexed man, for example, whose normal need requires a morning, a midday, and an evening orgasm, if prevented from obtaining one by intercourse or masturbation, before getting up or in the middle of the day, will find when he embarks on his evening lover that he must have two or three orgasms within an hour before being completely relieved of the tension built up by his abstinence.
Naturally enough, the highly sexed are capable of highly intense orgasms. They are equipped, fortunately, with the requisite sexual physical ability - that is, the ability to have frequent, strong erections and staying power - to carry out sexual activity until they are completely satisfied.
That is particularly true of the male and his erection. Where the low-sexed man, having ejaculated once, must wait twenty minutes before he can restore full erection and start a second round of lovemaking, the highly passionate man can have two and sometimes three orgasms with the same erection, may wait five or ten minutes after ejaculating before starting again towards another orgasm. (Perhaps the chief sexual characteristic that distinguishes a highly passionate woman is her ability to reach orgasm very quickly: say within five minutes rather than fifteen or twenty.)
As I have said, both men and women in this category have very intense sensations when they reach orgasm, and I think this may have something to do with the difference in their approach to sex and especially to lovemaking, which involves an unqualified acceptance of their own sexuality. It is this wholehearted acceptance of the physical experience of sex that has a direct influence on the development of love as a whole.
And the less highly sexed can learn much from them. While the great mass of average-sexed people have a tremendous potential for deriving the ultimate from lovemaking, unless they are sufficiently interested in making themselves technically expert they may only too easily just 'take sex as it comes', allowing the act of intercourse to become a dull kind of experience, instead of an experience always looked forward to.
The sexual palate can become far more easily jaded than the responses of our taste buds to food and drink. All of us are provided with sexual talents, and if we do not use and develop them, our total experience of sex loses a great deal. We should look at our highly passionate friends, envy them their capacity for sexual enjoyment, and then do our best to emulate it. By doing so we can add a zest to living and a greater depth to loving.
And, furthermore, three or four pelvic thrusts before he comes is simply a total lack of ejaculation control and an abuse of the sexual talents of all of us, highly sexed, average-sexed, and low-sexed alike.
The average-sexed and the low-sexed possess as great a potential for the richest enjoyment of sex as the highly sexed, because though comparatively their actual sensual experience is not on a level with that of the highly sexed, by the exercise of their sexual talents they can meet fully the demands of their particular sex drive. In other words, if you are average-sexed, the most intense sensations of which you are capable, though by no means as intense as the highly sexed men's, are fully sufficient to satisfy completely the demands of your average sex drive.
If you understand that you can always heighten your sexual responses by shedding inhibitions, and setting out, each time you have sex, to seek the highest physical experience in the way that the highly sexed seem to do naturally, you will, discover, in fact, that you have no need to envy him.
By the way, there is almost no way of predicting what will happen to a man's sex drive after he reaches 50 years of age. It is entirely down to genetics, how he cares for himself, and what he does to maintain an active sex after fifty years - a nominal age point which serves as a generic indicator of mid life - by the conscious choice of engaging in sexual activity.
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