Female attitudes to oral sex
Mutual simultaneous oral sex is usually referred to as "soixante-neuf" or 69ing.
The term is derived from and alludes to the similar appearance to the numerals 69 of two human bodies engaged in mutual oral pleasuring, the circles in the numerals 6 and 9 representing the participants' heads, and the tails of the numerals representing their torsos and legs.
Very little can or need be said as to the physical technique of the sixty-nine, since only three main positions exist m which it is possible. Two of these are, in fact, almost identical.
Either the woman kneels on her hands & knees over the man, who is lying supine facing her, but head-to-foot, or rather, head-to-groin. (This is the most usual position.)
Or else the man kneels over the supine woman in the same way. This is less commonly employed, as the woman cannot as easily control the depth of the man's penile penetration into her mouth, as she can in the classic sixty-nine position.
Such deep penetration seems to be a real fear of some women, though not related to a generalized fear of sex, much more t the possibility of choking.
When the sex position has the man on top, the man is lying forward to excite the woman's genitals with his mouth. When the woman is on top the action is more focused on fellatio, with the man simultaneously engaging in cunnilingus with the woman astraddle his face.
In the sixty-nine the question of the dominant partner does not seem to be raised, yet it is always present, as is felt immediately if the two partners roll over sideways without letting go of the others' genitals orally.
This is an easy maneuver, for persons of almost any physique, though it is seldom done. Perhaps this is due precisely to the desired dominance or submissiveness of each partner in the form they usually or ritually prefer, which is then suddenly reversed when they roll to the opposite form of the sixty-nine, bringing the other partner on top.
No matter how passionately transported the partners may be, care must be taken, during this barrel-roll maneuver, for the woman's legs not to crush or even press too hard upon the head of the man which is deeply engaged between her thighs, and ends up suddenly imprisoned below or unexpectedly delivered above.
It is for this reason that the question of dominance in the act is seen to be so essential, as in all oral-genital acts.
For it is one thing for a man to know how to successfully bring a woman to orgasm, and quite another to lie on his back passively beneath a woman who is fellating him, with her body and thighs sometimes quite overwhelming him, and his head meanwhile fairly imprisoned underneath - though required to be highly active and motile at the same time.
The masochistic element in the latter situation, for the man, seems clear!
The woman lying beneath the man in a sixty-nine is even more powerfully dominated, sometimes thinking of herself as pinned to the bed or impaled by his penis, is even more clear.
However, as this is the normal situation in face-to-face intercourse, with the man on top, a position which millions of women accept with great satisfaction in many cultures, it is possible - without attempting to posit any "natural masochism" in women, though their sexual role does seem to suggest this - that women do not necessarily object to the constraint and domination of the man lying on top, whether during vaginal coitus or the sixty-nine.
The immobilization of the head of the underlying partner in any oral-genital act, and particularly in the sixty-nine, where the genital partner's whole weight may be felt pressing down or likely to do so, is of a quite different order of constraint than that merely of the woman's or man's pelvis constrained in the underlying position in intercourse.
Such oral sex pleasures are a good prelude to close intimacy and mutual arousal without any danger of the man ejaculating. Therefore, men who are trying to learn the art of lasting longer during sex should engage in oral sex before coitus.
More as an entertainment than as an actual erotic act, the sixty-nine can also be engaged in with the partners vertical: that is to say, with the man standing up on his feet, and the woman clasped to his torso in the embrace of his arms, while they bring their mouths to each other's genitals.
Theoretically, the woman too could stand in this way, while clasping the man upside-down against her body, but owing to the usual disparity between the man's size and strength, and that of the woman, the vertical sixty-nine is assumed to be with the man standing.
If the woman's torso is long enough, she can also let her legs fall down behind the standing man's back, thus helping to support herself in the curve of her hips, and taking much of her weight off the man's arms.
Practically, however, though the woman can engage in fellatio on the man as long as he can hold both of them vertical in this way, cunnilingus with the woman held vertical is not likely to succeed or to be very successful pr pleasing.
Such light-hearted intimacy is also a good way for a woman to overcome fears around sexual activities with her partner, especially if he has a tendency to delayed ejaculation.
This is a condition for which there is a treatment available - contrary to popular opinion - and most men with the condition are able to ejaculate normally after engaging in a series of exercises with their sexual partner. You can read a great deal more about delayed ejaculation on one of our websites. It is www.makinglovefeelgreat.com and it has a wealth of information on this problem.
Also, the man may well have a tendency to sink or fall to the ground at his orgasm, his knees buckling under him, and care must then be taken that the woman does not then bite the man's penis with the whole weight of her body behind the bite.
The vertical sixty-nine is really therefore only an erotic "clownery," when the relative length of the partners' torsos make it possible at all, and it is not recommended to continue it to the man's orgasm.
This matter of the relative lengths of the partner's torsos is of the greatest importance in the sixty-nine sex position. Many couples find to their surprise that they cannot engage in the sixty-nine at all, owing to the excessive shortness of either the woman's or the man's torso, when that of the other partner is particularly long. (Another factor of extreme importance is the physical health of the partners - any issue like hiatal hernia symptoms will cause severe difficulties during sex.)
Our comments about soxiante-neuf refer strictly to the length of the torso itself, not to that of the whole body. The sexual matching of the bodies of the partners - as well for vaginal coitus as for the sixty-nine - involves a proper matching of the lengths of the two torsos, which is not always reflected in their relative body-heights.
There are, for example, couples in which the woman seems quite tall when standing, and the man quite short; whereas, when they are lying down, it turns out that the woman has a short upper body, but long legs and large hips, while the man may have an enormous torso, but short legs.
Their body-sizes will thus be entirely reversed when they are sitting or lying down, the "short" man turn out to be much taller than the "tall" woman, and experience no difficulty whatsoever as to their erotic body-matching.